2 Months

At Axel’s 2 month appointment he weighed 8 lbs 7 oz and was 21 in long. He is growing so fast. Right now he loves to be held and rocked, his binky and eating. He is getting more control of his head and is not a huge fan of tummy time. He has acid reflux and just got put on omeprazole to help him with it. He doesn’t give much of a warning of when he is getting hungry, but he is very good at letting you know when he wants food as soon as he realizes he is hungry (as in asleep one minute to screaming the next saying I want food now!) He is in between newborn and size 1 diapers, newborn are getting a little too small and size 1 is huge. It is the same with clothes; we just started putting him in 0-3 month clothes and most of them are a little too big. He is starting to fill out and getting some chubby cheeks. We love him more than anything in the world and we love to watch him grow and develop. He is such a good baby; we are so extremely blessed to have him. I love being a mommy; it is the best job in the world!

NICU

Axel had to spend 24 days in the NICU. We got to bring him home on August 3^rd  weighing 5 lbs 1 oz. What an amazing day that was! It was so hard watching him in his little incubator and not being able to hold him whenever I wanted. The NICU staff was wonderful and as hard as it was for those 24 days we learned so much while we were there. I am so grateful for modern technology.

Most of the time I was by myself at the hospital while Shane had to go to work, it was really hard not having him with me all the time. There were numerous times when I would hold Axel and I could feel how close he was still to Heavenly Father.  I could feel the spirit so strong when I would hold him and several times I got tears in my eyes when I thought about all we had to go through to get him here. When I got to hold him during his feeding times I got to ponder so many things. Whenever I was having a hard time I could just look at my baby and feel so much better. He is such a miracle and blessing. I remember holding him one day and thinking about how hard it must have been for Heavenly Father to watch his Son go through so much pain and suffering. He could have taken it away from Jesus, but didn’t because of Jesus’ purpose in coming to the earth.  I am so grateful that Jesus suffered so much for me so I can be forgiven over and over for my mistakes and sins. What love He has for all of us to be willing to go through so much. If I knew that Axel is who I would be getting as a son my trial may not have been so hard, but going through that trial taught me so much. I am so much more thankful for the opportunity I have of being a mother and I get to really appreciate my baby.  I love him more than words can express. The gift of life is so amazing! 

Axel received 2 blessings from Shane and my dad and was told that he had angels in heaven and on earth watching over him. It was so comforting to hear. I also received blessings from my wonderful husband and father that helped me greatly. One day I was having a hard time because Axel had a week where he wasn’t really progressing with drinking his bottle and I wanted my baby to come home and this made him have to stay in the NICU longer. I was sitting there holding him and was sad and getting tears in my eyes and all of the sudden I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked around and couldn’t see anybody. I started to cry a little because I knew it was a special hand meant just for me. I knew then that everything would be okay and that Heavenly Father knew what I was going through and was there to comfort me. He knew how much I needed that reassurance that He loves me and that He hears my prayers. 

D&C

On July 12^th I woke up and couldn’t stop bleeding. Thankfully we had stayed in our trailer the night before so I was close to the emergency room. Shane was at work and I called him freaking out. I was going through a pad in 10 mins. I got myself to the ER and had to have a D&C done. I had retained placenta still inside my uterus that was bleeding. I had passed a few clots within a week and kept getting told it was normal and that I shouldn’t worry about it unless I started to bleed really heavy.  Sure enough, something was wrong and 6 hours later I left the ER. Shane and I went to see Axel for a few before going home. I had been away from my baby all day and it was really hard to not see him.

Our Birth Story

Thursday, July 10 started out like any other day, except the fact that I had lost my mucus plug. I called the nurse and she told me not to worry, losing my mucus plug didn’t mean that I would go into labor. So I went to my parent’s house to clean for my baby shower that we were having on Saturday. I was having contractions every hour or so but didn’t think anything of it, I would wait for the pain to go away and proceed to clean. I had started to get contractions more frequently, but still the thought of going into labor didn’t cross my mind. I came back home around 5:00 and got in the shower to get ready to drive to Utah with Shane to get a transmission for a truck. I talked to him on the phone and told him I was hurting but was probably fine to still go to Utah. I got in the shower and my contractions started to be about 10 minutes apart. I called my sister and told her the pains I was having. She told me I was having contractions and needed to get to the hospital. I told her I would probably be okay and I didn’t want to drive to the hospital for them to tell me I wasn’t dilated enough and to go home. She told me now wasn’t the time to be tough and I needed to be checked just to make sure. We tried calling my mom, who was visiting teaching and didn’t have her phone on her and then my sister called my dad to come to my house and take me to the hospital. I called Shane and told him I was hurting really bad and my contractions were now 5 minutes apart. He drove really fast home and got here about the same time as my dad. They both gave me a priesthood blessing that told me everything would be okay. It was then that it finally dawned on me I was in labor (yes, I’m a little slow!). Shane rushed me to the hospital and we got there about 7:15 p.m. We got to labor and delivery and they got me to a room to be checked. They thought maybe my placenta had separated from my uterus. I got checked and was told they could see hair. I asked what that meant and they said the baby was coming that night. I started to cry, I was so nervous and scared. I was only 33 weeks pregnant and didn’t want my sweet baby coming that early. I went to a delivery room and got checked by Dr. Cox. He told me I was fully dilated and the baby would be here within the hour. It was too late for an epidural so I got a spinal instead along with a steroid shot to help with Axel’s lungs. About 9:45 p.m. I started to push. Shane and my mom were in the room with me. In between pushed Dr. Cox let me see down there with a mirror, which was really neat. At 10:16 p.m. my sweet baby boy was born. He had the cord wrapped around his neck, which thankfully I didn’t see or I would have been a wreck. The resident helping Dr. Cox got the cord off his neck and they got him over to the nurses to be weighed. I waited to hear his first cry and when I finally heard it I started to cry myself. It was so good to hear.  They got his weight at 5 lbs 1 oz, but they were rushing to get an oxygen mask on him because his chest was kind of caved in and he was struggling to breath. He probably weighed more around 4 lbs 12 oz. I got to see my baby for a split second from across the room before he was taken into the NICU.  I didn’t get to hold my baby and I was devastated. I started crying hard and asking when I could see my baby. I got to see him 2 hours later after my meds had worn off. It was the longest 2 hours ever. Shane and my dad gave Axel a blessing and that was so comforting to me. I am so thankful for the priesthood and the power of prayer.  I am also so thankful for miracles.

Mother's Day/Birthday

This year I got to celebrate my 28th birthday on Mother's day. It was a special day and I got spoiled like always. 28 years ago I got to be born to the best mother I could ever ask for. My mom has been there for me to dry my tears and make me laugh so hard I cry. She has taught me the true meaning of love and sacrifice. She is so loving and giving and gives so much of herself to others.  I am so grateful for my mother and for all that she does for me. She is such a great example to me and I am so thankful for the bond we have. I am also grateful for my mother-in-law and for all that she does for me as well. I have so many wonderful examples around me. For several years I would dread Mother's day, because I wanted to be a mother so bad. I focused on me instead of focusing on celebrating the wonderful mothers that I have.
For my birthday Shane took me to dinner and a movie the night before and gave me my birthday/Mother's day gifts. On Sunday we went to our sacrament and sunday school meetings, then surprised mom and went to her sacrament meeting. Later we celebrated at mom and dad's house and the men made dinner and cleaned up for us women. This year was so special being able to have my baby inside my belly and being able to feel him move. I cannot wait to meet my little guy and be his mommy.

23 week ultrasound

On May 1st we got to have another ultrasound done so they could look at his heart. At our last ultrasound he was so active that the ultrasound tech couldn't get a good enough look at it. This time at 23 weeks along he was calm as could be and his heartbeat was at 139 instead of the 145 at our last ultrasound. Thankfully everything checked out and looked great. It was so fun to see him again. I have been able to feel him move for the last 4 weeks and I have loved it. I can't wait until Shane can feel him move. We are so excited to meet this little guy!

 Arms

 Profile

 I Love You

 Legs

It's a BOY!!

On April 3rd Shane and I got to have our first ultrasound at 19 weeks along. I had been looking forward to it for several weeks and couldn't wait to see our baby. Shane's mom, my mom, sister and dad were able to be at the ultrasound with us. It was an amazing experience! Being able to see our baby move around made everything feel so much more real, and we were instantly in love. Ever since we found out I was pregnant I have had a feeling it was going to be a boy. Shane along with most everyone else thought it was going to be a girl, so I had to rub it in a little bit that mommas instincts were right. He measured about 11 ounces and was an active little guy. The ultrasound tech would go to look at a specific part of his body and he would move and turn and make it more difficult for her. I have loved seeing my belly grow and I can't wait until I can start feeling the little guy move. I have absolutely loved being pregnant and am so grateful for the opportunity I have to be pregnant. As hard as the 4.5 years of trying was, I know this baby will be worth the wait, effort and trial we had to go through to get him here. I read a saying today that said "sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place." Looking back now I believe that to be true. I know my Heavenly Father has a plan for me and I know His plan will always be better than my plan. I am so grateful for the knowledge I have of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My trials have strengthened my testimony and has made my relationship with Heavenly Father stronger. He really is a God of miracles and I am so glad He is blessing me with one of His miracles. I cannot wait to be a mommy and raise this little boy up in the gospel.

 

20 Weeks!

I'm Pregnant!!!!

On December 18, 2013 was one of the best, most exciting days of my life. I was a day late of my cycle and decided to take a pregnancy test. I figured it would come back negative, because it always did in the past. To my surprise the test came back positive, so I took another one and it too came back positive. I started to cry and pace around my house and pray out loud to Heavenly Father to let this be true and real. I was so shocked and so excited I called Shane, who was at work, to tell him our amazing news. I was crying and blubbering that I took a pregnancy test and got two pink lines. He couldn’t really understand what I was saying due to my crying, but he finally put two and two together and got it. We did a blood test later that day to get a second confirmation. On December 20^th I went to the temple with my parents and when they came to pick me up I gave them a poem to read. They both started to cry. My dad, being the humorous guy that he is, says, “So you’re knocked up?” I said, “Yep I’m knocked up.” He replied, “Finally got passed the goalie?” I said, “yep, finally!” We all had a little laugh and continued to the temple. It was so nice and comforting to be there that day, especially to show my gratitude. On December 21^st we drove down to Shane’s parent’s house for Christmas. We were there for a little while and I couldn’t contain my excitement any longer. We pulled Shane’s parents aside and gave them a copy of the poem as well. They got teary eyed and gave us a hug. After that we broke the news to everyone else. It was the best, most amazing Christmas surprise ever. On January 22, 2014 we got to have our first appointment with the nurse. I was 9 weeks pregnant and the nurse was nice enough to feel around for a while until she found the heartbeat. It was an amazing sound and so comforting to be able to hear. This miracle has made me realize how blessed I really am and that my Heavenly Father cares about me and is listening to my prayers. He is mindful of my wants and needs. It has been so humbling to see how He has been shaping me the last 4.5 years to prepare me for this experience. Even when I thought He wasn’t there or listening to me, I now realize that He was always there, He never left me alone. It was just my own anger and frustration that was keeping me from being so close to Him.

Here is a copy of the poem we gave to our parents.

I do not have a face to see,

Or put inside a frame.

I do not have soft cheeks to kiss.

I don’t yet have a name.

You can’t yet hold my tiny hands,

Nor whisper in my ear.

It’s still too soon to sing a song,

Or cuddle me so near.

But all will change come August 2014;

That’s when Mom says I’m due.

I am your new grandson or granddaughter;

And I can’t wait to meet you!

All I ask between now and then

Is your patience while I grow.

I promise I’ll be worth the wait;

Because of all the love we’ll know!

So what I have to give you now,

Is a wish to you from me.

I cannot wait to be a part

Of this wonderful family!