Ah ha moment

On January 4th I was listening to some Mormon messages and came across one from Elder D. Todd Christofferson titled "The Will of God." This message hit me hard that day and I have been thinking about it ever since. I have listened to the video a few more times and it makes me tear up every time. The message is about a gardener who cuts down a currant bush that has grown too tall and isn't producing any berries. He cuts the currant bush down and thinks he hears the tree say, "How could you do this to me?" The gardener replies, "I know what I want you to be...someday when you are laden with fruit you will say thank you Mr. gardener for loving me enough to cut me down." That line stuck out the most to me throughout the video. The past 4.5 years that I have been struggling with infertility and other trials, I have gotten angry with God and blamed him and turned away from him rather than turning more to him. After watching this video I felt ashamed and guilty for doing those things. I had a thought of what He would say to me and that is, "If you will just hold on, I will show you who I want you to become. If you hold on and trust in me when you are weak, I will give you the strength you need to overcome your trials." I know that everything will be okay if I trust in his plan for me and accept it. I know that His plan is always better than my plan. After I watched the video I went to my room and got down on my knees and apologized for being so angry and not trusting in Him. I have been so ungrateful for the things He has given me. I know that I will have to face trials in my life and I know that they are for my own good. He gives me trials so that I can become stronger and better, so I can return to Him again when my earthly time is finished. At the end of the video there is another line that hit me hard too. It says, thank you for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me. I know that my Heavenly Father, like my father here on earth, hurts when I hurt and is happy when I am happy. I know that He loves and cares for me and understands what I want and what I am going through. I know that He will never leave me, especially when going through a trial.