Christmas 2013

 Jazlynn, Brielle, Braelyn

The Girls

 The Family

Lately

Lately I have struggled a lot with not being able to become a mom. It is what I have always wanted and it is so hard trying for the last 4.5 years with no results. I have learned so much from this trial and I have tried so hard to have faith and hope that it will happen. One day I found on youtube a song called "I would die for that" by Kellie Coffey and it touched me so much and I cried through the whole song. These are the lyrics to the song:

Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.

And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.

But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.

I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.

Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.

Last few months

The end of September, Shane and I decided to move back to Idaho. We loved North Platte and the experiences we had there, we just felt it was best for us to move back home. When we got back home we had an unexpected surprise. We had a valve leak the 9 weeks we were in North Platte and it slowly leaked from our upstairs laundry room down to the basement. We had mold growing and our floors were all wet. We stayed at my parents house for a little while until we got it all taken care of with insurance. We were able to move back in after a couple weeks. Now we just have to remodel it...again.
In October I went with my sister Des and her family and my brother Derek and his family and my mom and aunt Julie to the pumpkin patch. It was fun to watch the girls. On Halloween mom and I went with Des and her family trunk- or- treating and later meet Derek and his family at a Mexican restaurant for dinner.
A few days ago we got to spend Thanksgiving with the family. I thought about all the things I have to be thankful for, my amazing husband, my wonderful family, the gospel and the trials I have had to go through the last several years that has made me stronger and a better person. I had Des rent the just dance 2014 game so we could play on the wii. It is always a good time when we get together.
On black Friday mom, Des and I went shopping for most of the day. It was a good time and not so crowded. Later that day Shane met me in town to celebrate our 5th anniversary. It is crazy to think that we have already been married that long. We have had our share of ups and downs, but we always pull through and become stronger individually and as a couple. We went to a movie and later went to get our Christmas tree. We love the smell of a fresh Christmas tree in our house. I love Christmas, it is my absolute favorite holiday.