Sleepover

On December 7, 2012, Des, Mike and the girls picked me up at my house and we drove over to the church for my parents Christmas party. We had a good time watching people square dance and Brie got to see Santa, which ended up kind of scaring her, but she was excited about getting popcorn  from him. Baby Rae was getting upset, so we drove back to my house and turned on a movie. Brie was determined to stay at aunties house, so we got her in her pajamas and played. We watched "Horton hears a who" until about 11:00 and I was tired so I tried to put Brie in the crib. She was crying and yelling "auntie, auntie." I can't stand to hear her cry, it breaks my heart so I went and got her and we went and laid in Shane and I's bed. She finally fell asleep and I tried to transport her to the spare room to put her in the crib. She woke up when I got to the door and started to cry and said "no bed auntie, no bed" so we went back to our bed. I didn't get a lot of sleep that night, but I loved that she had to sleep right next to me or be touching me to know I was still there. She is such a funny girl. I loved having my little cuddle bug with me. I love being an aunt and getting to spoil my nieces and nephews.

Fertility

On October 2,2012, I had taken an ovulation test and it came back positive. That morning I had the strongest feeling that doing an IUI that day would work. I hadn't really got anything like that before so I was sure it was Heavenly Father giving me inspiration.Shane and I discussed it and decided to make an appointment with Dr Cox to do an IUI.  The office said we could go in that day so it all worked out. They had to incubate the sperm for about 45 min before doing the IUI so we took a little drive. I was super nervous and asked Shane to give me a blessing. In his blessing he asked that the IUI would work and the egg would accept the sperm and be fertilized. I was comforted and thought this was the day we would conceive, it was finally going to happen!  At the priesthood session of conference Shane said he felt like he got an answer that we were pregnant, the procedure had worked.Well 2 weeks later, low and behold Aunt Flow came to visit. I was so shocked and hurt. Why would we have all of those strong feelings for nothing? What more were we supposed to learn from this trial?

We had been on a fertility medication, femara, for 2 months and decided we may need to look further into a fertility specialist. So, on October 20, 2012, Shane, my mom and I meet with Dr Swelstad in their Sandy, UT office to do an ultrasound and some blood work. In the ultrasound Dr Swelstad found that I had 3 cysts by my left ovary that needed to be taken care of before we continued on with fertility medications. After the appointment, mom and I went shopping in Sandy and Shane went back to help Caleb work on a house. It was nice to go shopping and try to take my mind off fertility stuff for a little while.

One of the blood work tests we did is called an OAR (ovarian assessment report). The office called about a week or so later with the results. The test had found that I don't have as many eggs as most women my age. It showed also that my brain had to work a little bit harder to try and tell my ovary to release an egg.


Dr. Swelstad had me take birth control for 6 weeks to see if it would shrink my cysts or make them go away. Well the birth control made me crazy! I was super moody, irritated, got depressed and got really really sore breasts. I tried to switch it but the generic I was taking was apparently the generic of the other birth control they had prescribed. After 6 weeks, we went in for an ultrasound to see the results. On November 29 (our 4th anniversary) we drove to Dr. Swelstad's Layton, UT office. The ultrasound showed that the birth control had shrunk the cysts a little bit, which was a relief. He recommended that I stay on birth control for 2 more weeks and than went over his plan for me. He wants me to do femara days 3-7 of my cycle, do shots (that create more follicles) on days 7,9 and 11 and do an ultrasound on the 12th day to check the follicles and see if we have a good shot at getting one egg to fertilize, then do an IUI on day 14 (or whenever I ovulate). Shane and I were a little overwhelmed at how we were going to pay for all of this since it would total up to 1000.00 dollars for a maybe. Do we risk it or no? It is so hard to try and decide what to do.

Happy Day!

On Aug 13, 2012, our little foster baby went home. Shane and I were so heartbroken and wanted him back more than anything. We wondered if we would ever be able to see him again. We wondered if he would even remember us if we ever did see him. A couple months passed by and we kind of lost hope of ever getting to see the little guy again. On November 5, 2012 I got a text at work asking how I was. I replied and asked who it was texting me. It was the little guys mom. I was shocked and excited at the same time. We set up a time to meet the following day, on November 6, at the mall so he could play on the toys there. Shane and I were so excited and nervous. We got to the mall and waited for them to get there. I wanted to run over and kiss his little face, but I didn't know how his parents would react. Shane and I crouched down so we were at his level and started talking to him. He just looked at us and smiled like he was trying to figure us out. We started playing with him like we did in our home and he starting laughing and running around. It was so good to hear his laugh, we had missed it so much. I thought he would forget about us and just want his mom and dad, but it was almost the opposite. We played for about an hour and decided we better get heading home so we could vote before 8:00. His mom let me carry him out to the car, which I was so thankful for. When we got to their car he reached for Shane, so I handed him to Shane. He gave Shane a big hug and just laid on his shoulder for a min. Shane handed him to me and I gave him to his mom to load him in his car seat. He started to cry and reach for Shane and I. It took all I had to say goodbye and walk to my car. I wanted to reach out to his little arms and hold him tight and never let go, but I knew I couldn't. It broke my heart, but warmed it at the same time, he remembered us and still wanted us as much as we did him. I will always love that little boy like he is my own.

Labor Day

On Friday we left work a little early and drove down to Utah to get some dinner at Iggy’s with a couple in our ward, then went to the Bees game. After the Bees game we drove to Boise and got there at 4:00 in the morning and stayed in a hotel. We got up and had breakfast then headed out to drive the rest of the way to Washington. We stayed at Shane’s parents’ apartment and relaxed for a few days. It was really nice to get away. We drove around, went shopping a little bit, went to a waterfall (South Falls) and went to 2 movies, then drove home on Tuesday.

Goodbye

On August 13, 2012, Shane and I had to say goodbye to our sweet little foster baby. We had him in our home for 10 months and got to watch him go from rolling over to walking. We got him at 8 months old and he was almost 18 months old when he left.  He was such a good and fun little guy. Before he left he would blow kisses, say bye and done (all done). He loved to be outside and play and go for walks in the stroller. He loved to be chased around the house, he would laugh really hard and walk as fast as he could while looking back. It was one of our favorite games.  It was such a hard day for Shane and I. The night before he left we let him stay up a little later so we could play longer and read stories. He loved to read stories and flip through books. When he would get excited about new things he had learned he would smile big and clap his little hands, then look at Shane and I and wait for us to clap and say "yeah, good job buddie." That night he was really hot in his crib so he couldn't sleep very well. I went into his room a couple times and he would see me, reach his little arms up and I couldn't resist. I picked him up and rocked him back to sleep. At about 2:00 in the morning I brought him into our bed and cuddled him for a while. He thought it was pretty cool to be in our bed with us so he wouldn't fall asleep, he just kept talking away. We all went for a little walk before the case worker came to get him. It was so hard to put him in her car and say goodbye. We gave him a sippy cup and his favorite blankie for the ride home. He waved bye bye and blew us kisses. Shane and I cried for quite a while, then got out of the house to go to a movie to try and distract us. It has been a little over 3 weeks and we still have times when we cry and just want him back. He has such a cute and fun personality. We hope that someday we will get to see him again, but for now, we are just very grateful for the opportunity of having him and we would do it all over again.

Birthday/Mother's Day

On May 10 Shane spoiled me with gifts to open. Friday May 11 Shane and I went to Utah and meet Shane's mom for lunch at Iggy's. After lunch Shane and I went to NAP and bought a 2008 Tahoe, and traded our Dodge Durango. On Saturday, May 12, my mother-in-law and I went shopping and had lunch. Around 4 we all went to the new city creek mall and went into a few shops, then went to dinner at the cheesecake factory. Sunday May 13, we went to grandma Heath's ward at friendship manor, where Bruce gave a talk. We drove home later that day and had dinner and my birthday celebration with my side of the family. It was a really good weekend and the first year I got to be a "mom." :)

3 Years

It has now been 3 years since Shane and I have been trying to add to our family. We have had our ups and downs, but we know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us and our family. What that plan is we don't know, but all we can do is have faith and trust in him and his plan for us. It has been 9 months since my surgery and sometimes that is hard, because Dr. Cox told us that 6-12 months is the best window for us to get pregnant before our only option is IVF. It has been 7 months since we have had our wonderful foster baby and we hope and pray that he can be ours forever. We didn't renew our application through LDS Family Services, because we just felt that, that wasn't where we needed to be right now. I was on Clomid for 2 months and did an IUI in January and that didn't take. We attended a fertility seminar a few weeks back and have considered going through them. Some days are better than others. There are days when I am jealous of those who can get pregnant and I can't and here I am raising someone else's  child that I want so badly to be mine. Shane and I are perfectly fine adopting all of our children. We would love to have a biological child and get to experience that, but if that's not what the Lord has in store for us, then we accept that. We just keep hoping and praying that when the time is right we will have children that are sealed to us for eternity, and we can't wait for that to happen.

Update

Update on the little guy. He is now 14 months old and often refuses to stand with no support and would rather crawl on his hands and knees. He will walk around the coffee table and couch or while someone is holding onto his hands. His little personality is so fun and adorable, we just love him so much. He has recently started calling me "mama" and Shane "dada." He enjoys eating yogurt, goldfish, potatoes and candy. We finally got him off the bottle the middle of April, and he now loves his sippy cup. He loves to play outside, play catch and go on stroller rides. He enjoys music, playing the piano with dad and loves bath time. He still doesn't sleep through the night and he is getting harder to entertain in sacrament meeting. He loves to play with Brielle, Aunt Des and Nana. He is getting smarter everyday and picks up on things fairly quickly.  He loves to clap and wave bye-bye. He is now starting to recognize "strangers" and will reach for Shane and I. He is such a joy to have in our home. We have truly been blessed to have him for 7  months. We can only hope and pray that one day he can "officially" be ours for eternity.

New Job

During spring break, I had the opportunity to have a couple job interviews. On Friday the 30th of March, I got a call from Quality Overhead Door offering me a job. I took it and started the next week. It has been a really good change for me and my family. I now work full time rather than part time and have an increase in pay. It was really hard at first being away from the babes everyday and only getting to see him at night. I was at ELC for almost 5 years and had made a lot of really good friends there. I knew it was time for a change though, because I was at work 3 days a week, had the little guy everyday and night and was just recently called to the nursery on Sundays. I often have a hard time with change, but at the end of the day, change is good.

Easter!!

April 8th was our first Easter as "parents." On Saturday April 7th our nephew Dylan got baptized. After the luncheon we did an Easter egg hunt for the kids. It was really fun to watch the little guy. He could care less about getting the eggs, he was more interested in picking up sticks and pulling the grass. Typical boy I guess. On Sunday the 8th, we had dinner at my parents. Nana and Papa gave the grand kids a little Easter basket with candy, toys, an outfit and books. He and Brielle loved playing with their carrot golf clubs and eating their candy. They are playing together so well now.
I am so grateful for the knowledge I have about Christ and for all that He did for me and my family; He suffered for me and paid the ultimate price for my sins. It is nice to remember what Easter is all about, conference reminded us of  that.

1st Birthday

On February 24, 2012 we got to celebrate the little guys birthday. We had a birthday party with his parents and family on the 24th and on the 25th we had a birthday party for him with my side of the family. We did a baseball theme party. It turned out really cute. He enjoyed smashing the cake and playing with it  more than eating it. He was starting to stand up by himself for about 20 seconds at a time before he would fall down. He got lots of clothes and some toys. We really enjoyed spending his birthday with him.

 Cake Balls

 Shari and Mom helping decorate the cakes

 Baseball Cake

 Giving Loves

 Shari, Rhandie and Amaya

Mom and Jaz

Baby back

On Friday, January 13, 2011 we got our beautiful foster baby back. On Wednesday the 11th our case worker called and asked if we wanted our baby back. Shane and I were both so excited. We couldn't wait to see him again. It was weird not having him for the 2 weeks he was at his grandpa's house. He is growing everyday and learning new things. He is talking a lot more and is pulling himself up on toys and furniture. He is really fast at the army crawl and is eating regular food. He is such a joy to have in our home. He will be turning one February 24. We are excited to celebrate his 1st birthday.

Infertility

Yesterday I was having a really hard day. Infertility is really hard to deal with sometimes. It seems like everyone around me is getting pregnant and I just can't seem to.  I often wonder why I'm not able to and what I am supposed to do in order to become a mom. A year ago it seemed so simple. Shane and I thought that we needed to adopt first, then we would get pregnant with our own. It seems like everything just went downhill all at once. Now I have no idea if we are supposed to be looking into adoption options right now or not. Since my surgery in August things have gotten a little more complicated. Dr. Cox gave us a year before in vitro was really our only option for conceiving. We feel like we should be trying to get pregnant now that we have a window open, but it doesn't seem to be helping or going anywhere. I just wish I knew what God had planned for me, it would make life so much easier.